My Blog

Noe why I am writing here?…

Haizzz.. sudd TODAY… i realise I am leading a very deprived life…. I realise I have forgotten to wish friends on their bday!! I hav forgotten to reply to sms-es, forgotten to catch up with friends….. So many things that I have put aside (not that they are nt impt to me), and I realise is all becos I really have no time…. But the thing is.. .Nothing seems to be very different from my past….. My lifestyle is about the same… except jus for my work… ;(

Sudd I realise that this is not meaningful…. My time shd be given to deserving things, not jus work…… I sudd rem about my ex colls at Wingtai, at KBR, at FEO, at Stevenloh… Before I join the Bank, I would still put in effort to contact them…. Sudd I realise I hav totally forgotten about all…. Sudd I rem about my friends from Poly (oh dear.. is like at least about a yr I hav not really meet up with them), friends from NUS (I have been missing so many of their outings.. haizzz… ), my sec friends like Meiyi, Peiyuan….. Oh GOD… Even my closest friends, when we meet, we only hav that few hrs to catch up…. Sudd I realise I have been spending lesser time with Papa Mama too….. I am having lesser communication with jie jie too……….Where is all my time?? Where my time goes to?………… ;(

Is this what growing up supposed to get to? Why?…… Why things are no longer in our control?….

I misses my past…………. ;(

Today as I was on a cab home, I feel differently comfortable… This taxi uncle was v cheerful and light hearted. He spoke gently to me and when I am getting closer to home, he chatted with me on the way…

We started a conversation becos he drove me a path where no taxi uncles hav ever driven me before. This route that he took, though may be a bit long, but it was smooth and comfortable. He drove me pass places where I have very deep emotional attachment and these were also the places I once was very familiar with. He drove me past my sec school. So, that’s where we started our chat. The journey was comfortable.

As we chat, I am getting close to home. I grow attachment to him… becos his "back" feels like my uncle…. When he turned round to have a better look at me, I was all cold. I was so shocked that I do not have the courage to look at him any longer. I avoided. All of a sudden, I feel like crying out. I was emotional. He really looks like my uncle….

I told him, you looked like my uncle. He then told me that if you missed your uncle, you must go visit him. I was v sad, so I told him "ok".

Uncle, I miss you. Despite we were not close for long time, I have always feel our bond. I remember the way you talked to me, the way you adore me…. Uncle, take care…….

May God bless all beloved, me at 1102pm.

Just now, I recalled about the 4 yrs of life in NUS… Just the thought of it is so scary, so dreadful leh… I really really can’t imagine how me and my friends have spent that 4 yrs, with 4 days in a week to rush to class from work, ended class 10pm plus, reach home 11pm plus and have to worry about the lotsa projects and assignments everyday, then nx day still have to go to work halfhearted as the mind can never focus on work alone cos there are just too many sch work burdening and worrying us… And the cycle will go round and round.. It lasted for 4 yrs… It will not end then… A hellful 4 yrs…

There is never leaves for us to rest.. Our leaves are really only for exams.. Really hell leh… How can I take it that 4 yrs? Still have exams.. Exams are really aiming to pass only… Can never expect good results.. Cos at the last 2 yrs, its really so draining and forced till I am studying for the sake of finishing it… Its really quite meaningless when you realise you are doing it for the sake of doing… Haiyo, when I think of those yrs, its really v fearful leh…

My health has always been weak with a very sensitive nose and vulnerable bones… I would always suffer from backaches, body pains and ache… For my close classmates, they would noe.. My nose is like everyday giving me problem… I would fall sick like at least every mth… I am always sicky and weak… When I think back, I really do not noe how I gone through that 4 yrs with such weak health…. And I recalled, I would always get so tired drained that I kept crying….. I need a lot of sleep for my weak health… but in that 4 yrs, my body is always so tiring and lack of sleep…. Always with flu, always carrying headache, v often with body ache, always feeling depressed and down……….. Now that I think of that 4 yrs, I really feel like crying… Its so torturing….

I was never happy then…………….

That 4 yrs, other aspects of life’s ups and downs carry on, despite the work and studies… I think back the yrs with internal struggle, with tears, with heartbreak, with disappointment, with self pity, periods of depression, all put together with the v tiring studies and work… I now really feel I would NEVER want to lead that kind of life again.. Its really a hell for me…….. I hate that kind of life…..

Those yrs of hardship….. should make me grow… I have to grow and progress…. I must not go through such painful and very scary time again….

Me at 11.35pm on a day where I recapped…

Today is my chinese birthday!!! Haaa.. mama so cute. Early in the morning, mama already warn me that she preparing mee sua for me to eat wor… So must come home not too late for her 2 big eggs in the mee sua!! Haaaa..

I really put wk aside and rush home wor.. Haaa.. Mama called to say once reached downstairs, give her a call and they will quickly "start fire"!!! Haaa.. The outcome!!! Papa is the mee sua big cook, mama prepares the ingredients!! Haaa.. Sometimes really cannot stand my family!!! All v little happy pple leh!! Just a bowl of mee sua and can get all to be excitedly crowding round the fire!! Haaa..

I took the home sweet home mee sua.. Yummy wor, of cos it is.. cos prepared by Papa and mama with jie jie kpo-ing at the side. Mama proudly says the 2 eggs nicely peeled, done by her!!! Haaa.. Really so funny.

I love my family. They are jus so simple, so happy everyday. Little things can make us laugh, make us excited and always many things to tok about. Haaa..

Thank you, papa, mama and jie jie for giving me this warm cheerful family. Thank God for your blessing.

Me on my chinese bday, 24/10/07

Sometimes we dun understand why we are doing certain things. Sometimes we get more lost as we are doing things. Sometimes we know we are asking for more trouble. Sometimes communication is blocked. Sometimes communication is silence. Sometimes communication is self deceived. Sometimes communication is no longer important.

Sometimes time do not tell. Sometimes time may tell. Sometimes time tells a bit too late. Sometimes time tells too late. Sometimes time is no longer important. Sometimes time is all that is needed.

Sometimes feel is what that tells. Sometimes reasonings then tells. Sometimes we no longer feel the importance of both feel and reasonings. Sometimes we give up. We let things be.

If we can remember all the some times, we may realise that things are not what we have planned for, these times are not what we can control at all. Sometimes, you may truthfully feel these are not what you have asked for. Who then is managing all these some times in your life?

Life is magical. Time is short. Remember all the some times, our life is uniquely; only yours owned.

Sometimes, Me on 14/10/07 at evening

I am super beat tired…. My brain has stopped its move…

Haizzz… I am looking forward to a day at home sleep, rot, eat, watch vcds and be with my daddy mummy jie jie… I wan my bed, my pillow, my home!!! Aarrgggg… ;(

I need some restructuring, lotsa encouragement, need some exciting things to excite me up, yet I dun have the time to last a long excitment.. So have to be a short yet sustainable excitment.. Arggg…

I want time!!! I want time!!! I want more time more time more time!!! Think I am just too greedy… ;(

Me going back home le,

Have a good rest..

Wkends sleep sleep sleep…

I am tired….

I am really tired……

God… I am holding on becos you call me……

Please speak to me louder….

I hope, I can rest…… So tired I am…..

But I will follow you, as I know you have the best plan for me….

My patience is for you…

Myself, tired at 2105 in office…

Hmm.. lately I realise and deeply believes in this.. God really do has his plan for us…. He can come to us or he could be seen passive… but the truth is.. We are all in his plan, though at the same time, he often gives us our freedom to choose…

Lately, I have knew of some unbelievable changes to my previous employment. Its really something I would never have thought of in my life… Now, I realise… God really has his purpose for giving me my present… As I hav spoken to him, if this is what he wants me for, I shall obey him and I shall do my best.. This may not be the best plan, but I shall obey, as if he wants me to fall, I shall learn the essence from the fall…

I guess people within my circle are undergoing major changes recently.. When I hear from them, we seriously concluded : its all about timing. God’s timing for us…

For some of my friends and even to myself… Do not worry. Live your faith and be positive looking forward yea. For our God is in control. Nonetheless, we are given the rights and capability to be in control - to do our best for our roles.

God. Time. Self. Choices. Decision.

OK, thats all.. Something jus for myself to note.. =)

Myself, 8.17pm

Suddenly….

Jus wanna to pen down the few things which I have realised and learnt…

1) It does require a lot of courage to even to tell yourself to think positive.

2) Real communication is v important.

3) Sees your life lighter, you will see more things for you to care for, than yourself.

4) If its meant to be the process for you, then it will be. Commit yourself to the process then.

5) When you lost something. See beyond the loss. You gain something. Time will tell.

6) When you are outside, your parents are at home.

7) Our mummy have been cracking her brain to think of meal dishes for us, for the past many years since you were born.

Time is precious. Life is so little.

9) When you says you are busy, ask yourself "Really, are you?" Dun realise it only when it is too late.

10) Sleep is important.

Ok, thats all for today…..

A week that puts my courage to test..  Me at 11.18pm on this Thursday..

Hmm.. Have fulfilled one of my life’s "Must Do" on Friday…Watched Jacky Cheung’s concert!!! Woooo.. ;p

What can I say about his concert??.. A long awaited concert for myself, all that I can say is… The heavenly Jacky Chueng is VERY POPULAR and WELL LIKED. He has all that it takes to be in the entertainment environment.. He is really good in his singing, his style, his connectivity with his fans, his glow, his passion, his sincerity and his sense of truthfulness, humbleness and effort… He was able to connect and express them all in the concert, v communicative… He was even so encouraging in the concert…

What I can say is… He is a very powerful man… 

He is really different…A man who earns the respect, earn the applause… For the first time in all. the concerts that I have attended, this is the most significant concert where the singer is able to express all his thanks and appreciation to ALL the supporting team who has contributed to his concert success. He REALLY NAME THEM ALL, one by one!!! Even showing their name in the big screen…. He shows his respect to them…

I was v blessed… The concert has a nearly 30 mins of muscial play of "Xue2 Lang1 Hu1" and my heart’s favourite "Perhaps Love"… It was super good!!! Really.. all that I can say about Jacky Cheung is… HE IS REALLY GOOD. When he sings the last song "Perhaps Love" for the play, I was really touched to tears (v wet face)… It was really too good for words to even express….

All the songs sang were precious.. His songs were too heartcraving good that all the audience was waiting for more to come.. Sadly, his good songs are too many to be all sang…. Some songs which I was expecting, were not sang…

Lastly, deep thoughts that came to me during the concert was… Jacky Cheung is v inspiring..  He says "Life without ups and downs could be an incomplete life"… "When your life has come to a stage of down, dun give up.. Persist.. cos very soon, you will see your life is up again… This is life.. Our colourful life… "

When I see how his effort was recognised and shared by his fans, I feel Jacky Cheung is a blessed man… But, a blessed man works to earn his blessing… It comes with great effort, with great mind strength and in his attitude. I am proud of him. Something that came to me during the concert, brought very much by Jacky Cheung’s words - I am v proud of Grasshopper…

In my times of downs lately, I would often thought of Grasshopper. When I think of them, I can deeply feel how much it requires from them to come back on stage… How much of courage, effort and passion. The hard work they put in, is not for money.. Money, itself would not be able to bring them for a comeback. It is passion. It is their passion for music and their truthfulness to their hearts…

Friends out there.. Life could be v tiring.. Sad to describe life as this way, but truly.. life to me, is often tiring. When I look back many times, however I say my life is colourful. There are so many things for me to work on, to improve on.. There are so many more things which I can give to my family everyday. See failures as a learning experience.. The most important thing is.. Learn from it.

Never be pulled down by setbacks. Be positive. There are so many angles to look at things. Jus remember.. when you feel you have lost something, you have actually gained something from there at same time… Time is v precious.. So, always appreciate all the things in life.. even if it is falls, loss and failures…

"Always be very positive", this is something which I have only learnt lately….

May God bless all the true hearts, Xiuping..